Homeowner Forum / Construction / March 2006

Posted: March 9, 2006
1:00 a.m. Eastern

Is nothing sacred in secular society anymore? I read recently
that Madison Avenue is outsourcing high-end creative work to
India (Wall Street Journal, "Ad Agencies Are Booking Passage
to India," March 6, 2006, Page B1). The reason? It can cost as
little as 1/8 the U.S. price.

That started the creative juices flowing, and I began to
wonder. First, manufacturing to China. Then, software to
India. And American tourists are flying to India to have their
surgeries done there. Now the holy grail of American
consumerism has fallen: advertising. At the rate we are going,
soon the only "industry" we will have left is government.

Then it dawned on me. What's the single biggest, most
unproductive and unresponsive "industry" we have in America?
Why, it's government!

Think of the opportunity - bigger, better government for just
1/8 the cost! Finally, something that both the political left
and right in America can agree on: More government, and at the
same time more efficient government! Why - it's a no-brainer.
Outsource the federal government to India!

This is not as far-fetched as it first seems. The Indians have
excellent attorneys, bright and well-educated. Our Supreme
Court has already taken to citing international law in its
decisions, and finding "rights" for Americans in the laws of
other countries. India's bureaucrats and administrators were
trained by the very best, when Britannia still ruled (or more
to the point, administered) the world. This means the Indians
could easily provide culturally sensitive bureaucracy,
tailored specifically for today's Western world.

India has already demonstrated that it can provide
compassionate, caring assistance via call centers for
insurance, computer technical support, and other consumer
products. Why not government services?

Here at home the long-term savings from such an arrangement
are mind-boggling. Prior to outsourcing itself, the federal
government could declare bankruptcy by acknowledging the
obvious. This would immediately terminate its pension and
other long-term obligations, freeing future generations of
Americans to rediscover the joys of personal success and
economic freedom!

The United States would, of course, continue to hold elections
every two years for Congress, and every four years for a
president, as mandated by the Constitution. Congress would
meet annually to approve a new Indian outsourcing contract.
The president would be available for ceremonial events, and to
make speeches on historical holidays.

And the Supreme Court would continue reviewing the decisions
of a vastly reduced number of lower courts, such decisions
being meaningless anyway, since these courts would have no
jurisdiction over the decisions of Indian courts, where the
real cases would be heard and decided. And to further expedite
justice, American attorneys could be barred by the outsourcing
contract from practicing in India.

Let's see, what else is left? Oh yes, defense! Well, India
already has nukes, so we can outsource that as well.

Just think of it: Better, faster, cheaper government,
available at our fingertips via the immediate connectivity of
the Internet. Even the Internal Revenue Service could be
outsourced, with the Indians taking just a small fraction of
revenues to run everything. Better, faster, cheaper - plus an
80 percent tax cut. Now I ask you: Does it get any better than
this?

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